have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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