She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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