I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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