In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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