Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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