If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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