My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
