people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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