Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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