Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
