I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
