i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
