Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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