Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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