I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
