i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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