Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
