apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
