I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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