Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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