All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
