Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
