I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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