OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
