I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
