I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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