Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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