My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
