fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
