I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize