Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
