Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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