Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
