Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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