I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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