Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
