Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
