How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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