Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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