It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
