sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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