mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
