I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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