why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
NoShamevember. You game?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
