dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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