he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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