Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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