these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
