oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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