My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
