afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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