Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
