Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
