highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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