I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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