I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
