So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
