Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
