im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
where are you?
Hypothermia
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
