Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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