I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
