I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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