How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
