I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
