Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
