Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
