told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
