i think my tv is drunk
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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