Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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