shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
