And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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