And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
