Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
