it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
