I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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