Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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