garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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