Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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