party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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