i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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