I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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