the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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