She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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