The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
