paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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