No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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