Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
