p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
