we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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