Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
