I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How does one acquire holy water?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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