I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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