Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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