so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
