he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I sprained my soul last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
