This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
