nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
