I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
