I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
