Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize