These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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